Infernally Sinful

That is another way of saying phone sex. And that is part of what I do for a living. I also build websites. But for now I am doing mostly phone sex. I recently ventured into cam shows as well. I need to get back to writing again. I seem to write it fits and spurts and it is pretty easy for me to lose my way when writing. All of that ADHD I guess. Anyway. I am almost done with the site and I am almost done getting myself together for moving.

I will write more as I think of it.
Mocha
1-800-TO-FLIRT, extension 02795249

This is poem was deep. A man thinking and saying something I never thought I would hear. It gave me hope. Read it, comment, what do you think?

“Penny For Your Thoughts” - Gemineye

Can I offer you a penny for your thoughts?
As a matter of fact, how about three?
One penny for you, one penny for me,
And one penny for our minds engaged not so sexually.
Getting intimately closer as we approach the
Climatic altitude of nude, mental, sensational… conversation.

Because I’m trying to get to know everything about you
From the neck… UP.

So these are not your typical, sexual, poetical prose.
I’m trying to close the door on that all too firmiliar freaky foreplay game.
With which most guys have chose to approach you.
While they are trying to get deeply inbedded
In the fine fibers of your bedsheets,
I’m trying to find and define the fibers of which your mind speaks.
I want to engage you
By putting a two karat solitaire diamond ON YOUR MIND
Marrying your every thought!

I want to lick every inch of every crevasse
So I can get an oral fix from each oriface
And taste you passionate IMAGINATION.

I’d rather be naked and exposed, holding you
As we’re lying and you’re crying
While confiding and describing the tough times you’ve had in life
And how you don’t know
If you can keep a relationshop long enough to be somebody’s wife.

I wanna feel the heartbeat of all your inner rhythms
As they lead me toward your warm, wet, waterfalls of feminine thoughts.
…And I’ll swin in them.
From backstroaks, to breaststrokes,
I’m penetrating every entrance… to your mind.
Taking my time to find out everything about you.

Did I ever tell you about how you
Fell asleep in my presence?
And your mere essance
Kept me awake for hours
As I cowered with this feeling
Of sexually unadulterated mental connection?

And as you lay by my side
I pushed the blinds aside
And took the time in the moonlight of that night
To count 72 eyelashes
On the upper eyelid of your right eye!
Because when you sleep
Your eyes remain open slightly.

And while we probably moves in too quickly into some sexual shit
I’ve always cared more about the expilicity illicitness
That came from between you lips.. meaning your voice.

So now I am standing here
Ready to trade in all the sexual acts that we’ve preformed
For the chance to reform the very foundation
And the basis of our relationship.

So I reiterate my opening statement
And I offer you another penny for your thoughts!

You can hear this poet speak this works here on youtube.

I hope you give this man a listen and comment about what he has said. What are your thoughts?
Mocha

by the idea that I want to be in love. I once felt it so totally and fully and nothing is good enough. I want to be look into the pale eyes of my lover and smile and be smiled at him. And I once had it. I keep kicking myself that had it once before and now I feel so little at all. I HATE men now. I really HATE them and I am trying not to but I can’t keep my disgust and disappointment from my voice, from my body language. I think I expect too much or I know exactly what I want and nothing less will do. I am sure that is what it is and because I feel that way I am unable to see the ‘forest for the trees’. Men in general disgust me and I try to keep that feeling away from interactions with them. I want to feel the arms of a lover that really feel something for me.
Sigh.
M.

Mainly because I haven’t been laid in so damn long and I am hormonal and need some physical and sexual attention and healing. Sigh.. I can’t even write erotica properly. *shrug*
Getting off my Bitch Throne,
Mocha

pantylover_6969: mmm, so sweet and brown, sista!
Mocha: ?
pantylover_6969: been awhile…
pantylover_6969: hi u doin?
pantylover_6969: so sweet and brown…
pantylover_6969: nice and thick and full figured…i
pantylover_6969: nice nigger bitch to slave in bed…
Mocha:
Mocha: man you really lost your mind didn’t you
pantylover_6969: no, i love big black ladies…
pantylover_6969: can’t lie..u ladies r easy to cum…
pantylover_6969: my ancestors mut’ve had a damn good time being in a position to cum into your huts and just taking the pussy….
Mocha: you are proud to have rapists in your family?
Mocha: whoa.. that is interesting
pantylover_6969: anytime they felt like it….
pantylover_6969: it was legal back then…was the law that u were their property….
Mocha: rape is rape no matter how you like it
Mocha: but whatever.
pantylover_6969: to be honest with u, i secretely think about that while i am banging a black chick.would of course never tell them that….
Mocha: you must hate being impotent. Not being able to act out your sexual aggression on people you precieve as weaker or less powerful than yourself
Mocha: sad really. Oh and by the way. Unless you actually owned those slaves. It was illegal to even rape them. Funny what kinds of things happened to poor white trash back then.
Mocha: bye
pantylover_6969: u don’t really buy into that logic, do u?…lol…sounds so canned….blacks kill me with eir self-loathing ways…
pantylover_6969: i would love to do u while u wear a red rag on your head///yummy that would be…

Why would someone spend their time hating on me? Sigh..

Mocha

Listen to this.

This song reminds me how I feel about myself sometimes. So big that they can’t reach my mind.

Mocha

A touch of it anyway. I need to get my creative juices flowing but I have a hard time writing when I don’t have a solid idea of what the hell I want to say.

Ok. I recently talked to someone who basicly showed their ass because they were rejected because all they had to show me as a pic wasn’t a smile, which I would have liked. No they showed me a pic of them from just under the nose to the inside of their pants. I wasn’t impressed. That and the wookie pelt was kinda impressive but I wasn’t attracted to the display. Was I harsh? Let me know…

mike_methany: Hi, I’m 43, 5 10″ brn hair and blue eyes, 190lbs, solid build, big arms and a warm smile. What do you look like?
Mocha: see profile
mike_methany: sexy pic
mike_methany: see me ok?
Mocha: I don’t really see anything but your fuzziness
mike_methany: wow, thats not too nice
Mocha:  wel me see.
Mocha: you have your face from the nose down and you made sure I got a bit of crotch with that.
Mocha: should I be nice?
mike_methany: wow
mike_methany: i guess its fair, because all i can see in ur pic is ur fatness
Mocha: dude it is a bbw room if I weren’t comfortable with being fat then I wouldn’t be here
Mocha: if you aren’t comfortable with fat women then you should be elsewhere
mike_methany: thats not exactly the point
mike_methany has closed photo sharing.

Mocha: the point is that I don’t really see you there. And because of that I am not impressed at your attempt at being a person
Mocha: good luck though
mike_methany: but it does look like u have nice tits
Mocha: and I hope you pull that stick out of your ass. Rejection is part of the game.
Mocha: fuck yourself you twit. I am not interested.
mike_methany: wow, and being a cunt is apparently part of the game
mike_methany: a part that you’ve mastered
Mocha: No I just happen to be bitchy with people who present themselves as penis life support
mike_methany: leave me alone, please
Mocha: you messaged me fool. you should have thought about the reaction involved, use iggy
mike_methany: leave me alone, please
Mocha: you messaged me fool. you should have thought about the reaction involved, use iggy
mike_methany: wow, you are soo smart
mike_methany: you must be on welfare
Mocha: Man did you have to resort to a stereotype to make yourself feel better?
Mocha: Oh my.. I am pierced to the soul at your half ass attempt to gather your dignity and self respect.

Mocha

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about men. I guess I am getting more and more jaded as time goes on. Feeling mostly like it isn’t really going to ever work for me because I feel so badly about men in general. Anyway it sort of went like this.

Good Friend: ah well … I sort of take it all in my stride mocha … don’t let it get to you dear … not worth the grief

Mocha: No, I guess you are right

Mocha: but it isn’t even entertaining anymore.

Good Friend: well it seems different people get different things out of chat … for me … it’s relief and escape … so that’s probably why I don’t take things too seriously while I’m in there

Mocha: I guess.

Mocha: I kinda of use it as a way to observe people as they would be if given the chance.

Mocha: I find it interesting when I am not annoyed.

Good Friend: well … there you go … any observations that I make are more generalized and not so in depth I suppose … but I do agree with the fact that some in there can be annoying … not that I’ve noticed so much with females

Good Friend: but some of the males definitely …, yes

Mocha: I find that chatting does at time erode my idea of men. Makes me more realistic but also disappoints me greatly.

Mocha: ok can you tell me why this even happened?

Mocha: john_harley3: got dc

Mocha: ah

john_harley3: i saw ur profile that u don’t like welcoming

Mocha: ok

john_harley3: cant we just view each other?

Mocha: good night

john_harley3: gn

john_harley3: may i add u?

Mocha: no.

Good Friend: male hormones … at their very basic level

Good Friend: little head thinking for the big one

Good Friend: as is more often the case

Mocha: But maybe I am not being fair. Do women do this as well?

Good Friend: well … not that much that I’ve noticed

Good Friend: although I quite often get invited to view cams of females

Good Friend: I suppose males are just more basic and forthright with there wants/desires … that and the fact that most of them can’t type for shit

Good Friend: lol

Mocha: I think I am very forth right about my desires, but I am not interested in fucking a penis life support system either. I think women are more interested in the kind of person she lets into her body.

Mocha: Not just the quality of sex, the personality or even the things that man has. But that he is a decent man to begin with. And so many men seem to not even have decency going for them.

Mocha: But I think basically we want the same thing. But it is important to women who they get it from as opposed to getting it at all.

Good Friend: yes … but I’ve noticed that some females can be very basic in their desires too … but I suppose each to their own

Mocha: I agree with that as well.

Good Friend: like I think I’ve said before … you would no doubt suffer from the same general problem … some guy thinks … BBW … probably has big tits … I’m gunna ask her to show … if she says f* off … well nothing lost

Good Friend: some of them have hides like a rhino … almost bulletproof

Mocha:

Mocha: But it makes it hard to get to know any man. Because even decent men can act like that. Often do.

Good Friend: oh yes … they can do

Mocha: I don’t want to share my body, my anything with any of the.

Mocha: them

Mocha: How can I get close when I know that he is that disgusting and is willing to use someone like that?

Mocha: that he isn’t as basically decent as he says he is.

Good Friend: I don’t know dear … that is not an easy question to answer

Good Friend: and maybe the answer doesn’t lie within yahoo

Mocha: I don’t think the answer lies anywhere

I am not sure what I am saying. I think I have been divorced so long and so heart broken, battered and used that I am not willing to deal with it anymore. That I am finding that men aren’t worth knowing in a romantic sense or even sexual context. Not that women are the answer, they have their own set of issues and complications. I think I have just gotten to a point in my life where as much as I would love to be loved and to love, who I love and what they are as a person isn’t something that I am willing to compromise on. But isn’t that the point of the new marriage numbers. Even in the shallowest of marriages or the deepest of relationships it is getting to where people aren’t willing to figure out how to deal and cope with the humaness of another human being because they don’t have to any more. A woman doesn’t have to settle for a man so that the bills will be paid. A man doesn’t have to settle for a woman that can’t please him sexually or that he can’t stand to be in a room with. People aren’t expect to suffer silently anymore. Sure you might attempt to make a commitment to someone but if it doesn’t work out then you can start over.

I just think I am not willing to really play the game anymore. I feel too old or mature or whatever to even pretend that I want to learn the rules. Men just seem so self serving and self centered. Catering to only their own whims and fleeting desires. What is a woman supposed to do? Or more importantly what am I going to do? Do I roll over and give up or do I keep plugging away, ever searching, hoping… who knows.

Mocha

Recent conversation on yahoo where I didn’t answer some random message until I was ready to. And then I posed a question and got no answer. Read it and tell me what you think. I am very interested. Oh and no one’s name was changed to protect the innocent. There are no innocent.

abosmra75: hi
abosmra75: how r u
abosmra75: hey i talked to u in the room and u never answered me r u busy or ignoring me
Mocha: who are you?
Mocha: and why do you think you are entitled to my attention?
abosmra75: fuck u who do u think u r
Mocha: someone who is messaged quite a goddamn bit
Mocha: someone who is bored with the same lines tossed at her by people who don’t think before speaking
Mocha: so why should I waste time and energy on you?
Mocha: what makes you different?
Mocha: if you can’t answer the question then you proved that you are no different then those who seek my attention for nothing.
Mocha: but don’t ask me who the fuck I think I am when you messaged me.
Mocha: I didn’t think so

Mocha