About this blog and about the story I wrote. I am really excited about the positive about it. I have submitted part 2 of Patience and am waiting for Literotica.com to go on and approve it so that it can go up. I am in the middle of writing part 3. I am not sure how far or how long this series will go but I am so excited at the idea of it just existing at all to be honest. As I write more and more about Patience and Riley they started off being based on myself and others and now are becoming more themselves in my head. With real voices of their own.

I am working franticly on my websites and want to have something to show for all of this hard work before the end of the summer, don’t quote me on that as a launch date. I have a lot of reading to do and ideas to mesh into something that would actually work. But really it is the feedback that is keeping me going, letting me know that maybe I am doing something worthwhile. Well wish me luck and keep me on the straight and narrow.

thanks y’all,

Mocha

P.S. For those who haven’t read the first installment I will repost the link.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=357270

Your Score: Evil Bunny

You scored 28 Happy Bunnyness!

Watch out for you Evil one! People step out of the way as you pass by in fear of that mouth of yours. Never be ashamed of your mood swings…Who doesn’t love swings?? You are so evil…and yet….still so cute and huggable. Guess that’s why you get away with all of your evilness.

I know I am not the most pleasant person to talk to when I get in my moods. And I have had a whooper lately. But there somes a point when someone rejects you that you can pack yourself off and leave and remain in control of yourself and your dignity and then there is a point where you make a complete and total ass out of yourself. Read the following and tell me what you think?

handkerchief_waver_1984: Aye chick whas good w/ U?
handkerchief_waver_1984: You’re VERY pretty
handkerchief_waver_1984: But I think you sellin yaself short
handkerchief_waver_1984: 1
Mocha: what?
handkerchief_waver_1984: Whas good w/ you?
Mocha: selling me short?
handkerchief_waver_1984: What you mean?
handkerchief_waver_1984: OH
handkerchief_waver_1984: Yeah
Mocha: ?
Mocha: so what do you mean?
handkerchief_waver_1984: I read ya profile N it just seemed like you were sellin yaself short
handkerchief_waver_1984: But that’s jus me tho
Mocha: in what way?
handkerchief_waver_1984: I don’t know…I just think you’re sellin yaself short…
handkerchief_waver_1984: You’re a beautiful black lady who would have a lot to offer
handkerchief_waver_1984: Don’t advertise you being bisexual and all of that…
handkerchief_waver_1984: That’s not attractive
Mocha: Excuse me?
handkerchief_waver_1984: That’s what your profile says
Mocha: So you think you can tell me what to do? Or how to behave?
Mocha: That that is something that you can even tell me?
Mocha: Interesting
handkerchief_waver_1984: I could HELP YOU make better choices…
Mocha: I don’t like being judged by people, especially people who don’t know me.
handkerchief_waver_1984: I’m NOT judging you
Mocha: And you can’t help me do anything
handkerchief_waver_1984: Ok well if that’s what you think
Mocha: I am going to go. You are not the sort of person I want to get to know. And I see that I am not the type that you want to get to know either. Good luck
handkerchief_waver_1984: LOL
handkerchief_waver_1984: FUCKIN NIGGER
handkerchief_waver_1984: Just like the rest of them
handkerchief_waver_1984: 1
Mocha: Sigh.. you aren’t even interesting in your ignorance and bigotry.

I was basicly impressed at the amount of bullshit that this person was attempting to shovel at me because they thought I could be easily controlled. Many a man has made that mistake. I am not easily controlled and I don’t want to be. I just want to live and let live, usually. But when met with stupidity I have to wonder. How do they maintain the needful amount of braincells to keep breathing? Wonders of wonders…

This will be minor Christianity bashing, so for all those who are sensitive to such blasphemous and heretical information should move onward. It is also going to be bashing women and men in general. This is a rant.

I have NEVER been ashamed of who and what I look like, or for that matter, who or what I am. Never. Not since I gained my woman’s form. I have always had attempts made, cheap shots and rude comments about how I am shaped no matter what size I was. It seems that men and women find it fascinating that a woman my current size can still have a waist. But that is neither here nor there… I want to talk about size, pompous posturing and porn.

But let us start with my big beef. I am tired of talking to people that hate themselves. That think that they are better than someone else or think that losing a few pounds will make them better people. That hate what they do as bad habits enough to hate it in others but do it themselves. I dislike smokers; I think it is a disgusting and useless habit. I feel that I can say that because I don’t smoke and never have and hopefully never will. I leave it open because you never know what might happen. But I don’t hate smokers who don’t share their second hand smoke with children. I don’t preach to smokers about their lungs. Because grown ass people will do what they will do regardless.

I listened to a friend of mine sit and pontificate (2: to speak or express opinions in a pompous or dogmatic way) about how people should be ashamed of their bodies when overweight or when displayed in any manner she decides is inappropriate, to me it shows how she is obviously ashamed of her own body. For years I have heard her just about cry about the state her body is in. I have also spent most of the time listening to her nearly nightly runs to Mickey D’s. She makes statements in broad, sweeping manner passing judgment on others and what they do and how they do it. Namely porn and sex are topics in easy reach of her diatribal ( 1 archaic : a prolonged discourse2 : a bitter and abusive speech or writing) spears, but being fat, being ashamed of being fat and being generally self righteous about all above topics doesn’t give her pause nor does she stop to think about exactly how she says what she says. Not that she never makes good points because she does, but the conversation have become so one sided as her side is the only side that gets voiced any more. The only thing she listens to now is what she says and how she says it for the blog that might *hopefully* become a book. Ok that was a cheap shot.

I just can’t see how someone who states that they wear their emotions on their sleeve doesn’t realize that when you say things and don’t contemplate how they are received that you are setting yourself up to be torn to pieces by anyone who listens or reads your words. I am not sure she is ready for the scrutiny that she will receive from people who think less about her and more about how many books they also sell in response to her own.

Now I am not Christian. I don’t pretend to be I don’t want to be but I know enough about the faith from the attempts to spoon fed me the doctrine by well meaning people. I know it isn’t something for me. I don’t relate to God(s)/Goddess(s)/Creative Force/Universe in conventional way. I am just now getting into the study of religion in its earliest forms to see if I feel anything that people say I should. *shrug* But I will be the first one to tell you that blind faith is a VERY bad thing. Believing in something to the extent that you stop thinking isn’t something I believed that God had in mind. If you use the analogy of children and that they grow up at some point. If that holds true then at some point in our development there should come a point where people can think for themselves. Now every child is different and needs different things but you don’t waste time and resources on a child that doesn’t need them. No good parent does anyway.

So what does that mean to me? That God is in everyone and everything. That God is what you need, when you need it. And that it isn’t a one size fits all solution to humanity’s woes but that it a customized solution to your own. Now I could be wrong and I have been before but this works for me. Oh and I am an Atheist moving toward … something. Who knows what?

Now please understand my position on porn and its place in our society. I believe that sex and the sales of sex in one form or another as a basic commodity is as important as the sugar and pork bellies futures on the market. But just like all business it has a very dirty side and it should be regulated, heavily. People are exploited everyday and they don’t have to work in porn to do that. This person that I am speaking about hates porn. She, along with myself, made money using our voices to soothe and entice men to whatever sexual end they saw fit. But I never EVER felt shame or regret for doing so. I have lied, cheated and stole for major corporations and have left feeling like I have laid down and let the customers, my managers and upper management bend me over and fuck me in the ass. I didn’t enjoy one moment of it. But when I do this work I log in and when I have had my fill, not when someone else decides, I log out. I am get up and leave it behind, completely. I don’t get jittery, I don’t dread the sound of my phone ringing, I just take the call and move on. I relish that and protect it.

So in summary, I dislike hypocrites. I detest the sanctimonious and I just think that a policy of live and let live is the best. I am not saying not to look out for evil in its vilest forms. But be pragmatic about what evil is. Be responsible for yourself and your own actions and stop blaming others for things that you should be fixing within yourself.

Mocha

Mainly about how to deal with me.. and this is for my friends and strangers. So if you are interested in how I am …. well this kinda lets you know.

you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka “The Challenger”).

“I must be strong”

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

• Stand up for yourself… and me.
• Be confident, strong, and direct.
• Don’t gossip about me or betray my trust.
• Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
• Give me space to be alone.
• Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don’t flatter me.
• I often speak in an assertive way. Don’t automatically assume it’s a personal attack.
• When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that’s just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT

• being independent and self-reliant
• being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
• being courageous, straightforward, and honest
• getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
• supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
• upholding just causes

What’s Hard About Being a EIGHT

• overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don’t intend to
• being restless and impatient with others’ incompetence
• sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
• never forgetting injuries or injustices
• putting too much pressure on myself
• getting high blood pressure when people don’t obey the rules or when things don’t go right

EIGHTs as Children Often

• are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
• are sometimes loners
• seize control so they won’t be controlled
• fugure out others’ weaknesses
• attack verbally or physically when provoked
• take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents

• are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
• are sometimes overprotective
• can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Renee Baron & Elizabeth WageleThe Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

This has been stewing for sometime with me. I have been becomming more and more aware that people are just content to remain ignorant.

Case and point. I was, well I am still in BBW 10, chatting. The girls there just wanted to yak about Brit, Lohan and Anna Nicole. Before my mind imploded I decided to have a little experiment. I wanted to see if it was possible to change the direction of the conversation to something kinda important. At least it is to me.

I wanted to talk about the erosion of the middle class. A user in the room basicly said that they adhered to the taboo about religion and politics….. my response to that was:

“Well I can’t stand this any more. Politics is one thing. Believe me Religion is something I would never touch. But I think the taboo on politics is what keeps most of us in the dark about what is really going on. What if my republican friend turns me on to something that is going on that I couldn’t see as a independant. What if a democrat had an idea that applied favorably to us as middle americans. Doesn’t any one care that the gap from Middle to Rich is widening.”

No response back. None.. they ignored me, completely.

I want to be very clear. I don’t give one cold january damn about Ms. Spears or any of their ilk. I don’t care about their lives or what they do. They have people who they pay a lot of money to do that and even other people that get paid a lot of money to shoot it, film it or put it on tv. And I am not one of those people and I won’t do it for free. Why should I?

So what’s eating me? The cost of gas when we don’t have to use it anymore, (Alternative Fuels People). The economy and the dismantling of the middle class into more of a working poor. The idea that I am being taxed for things that I don’t want to pay for like for instance social security, this war, services that I don’t use and are redundant and not paying for things I need like healthcare. And watching my fellow Americans just sit and take it just for the chance to be entertained by … nothing.

It has been stewing in my mind for a little more than a little while and I am slowly realizing that maybe Americans are just weary. You know that rebellious generation, the hippies and social conscience types are old now. The Vets of the Vietnam Era are starting to look like The old WWII guys did in the 80’s. The Civil Rights movement, not just the Black Civil Rights, but all of them, those people are dying out. They didn’t raise this X generation to rally and fight. We are just sitting and stewing. We made fun of them but without them our apathy wouldn’t be possible. But I think we were raised with a certain amount of fatalism that isn’t serving us very well. We are adults now. I feel that we are going to fall with out a cry, not even a wimper.

Mocha