I moved…

Physically to a location for the duration of my continued apartment search. I think I might have a candidate but I am not all together sure. Gosh, I hate moving. My back is sore, my things are in disarray and my mind is strangely at peace, for now. I am crashing at a very good friends house and I am feeling all warm and fuzzy about the ability to do a short couch tour with them. But it makes me wonder how long the warm and fuzzies will last. I do not intend to find out. I want to be out of here by the middle of the month.

So crashing at a friend’s is why I will not be working on Niteflirt for the entire time I am doing this tour. I will miss interacting with those would call themselves my fans. I think for now I am doing well and will continue to do so.

Yours and my own,

Mocha

Phone Bone…

That is another way of saying phone sex. And that is part of what I do for a living. I also build websites. But for now I am doing mostly phone sex. I recently ventured into cam shows as well. I need to get back to writing again. I seem to write it fits and spurts and it is pretty easy for me to lose my way when writing. All of that ADHD I guess. Anyway. I am almost done with the site and I am almost done getting myself together for moving.

I will write more as I think of it.
Mocha
1-800-TO-FLIRT, extension 02795249

The thing I always wanted to hear from a man…

This is poem was deep. A man thinking and saying something I never thought I would hear. It gave me hope. Read it, comment, what do you think?

“Penny For Your Thoughts” – Gemineye

Can I offer you a penny for your thoughts?
As a matter of fact, how about three?
One penny for you, one penny for me,
And one penny for our minds engaged not so sexually.
Getting intimately closer as we approach the
Climatic altitude of nude, mental, sensational… conversation.

Because I’m trying to get to know everything about you
From the neck… UP.

So these are not your typical, sexual, poetical prose.
I’m trying to close the door on that all too firmiliar freaky foreplay game.
With which most guys have chose to approach you.
While they are trying to get deeply inbedded
In the fine fibers of your bedsheets,
I’m trying to find and define the fibers of which your mind speaks.
I want to engage you
By putting a two karat solitaire diamond ON YOUR MIND
Marrying your every thought!

I want to lick every inch of every crevasse
So I can get an oral fix from each oriface
And taste you passionate IMAGINATION.

I’d rather be naked and exposed, holding you
As we’re lying and you’re crying
While confiding and describing the tough times you’ve had in life
And how you don’t know
If you can keep a relationshop long enough to be somebody’s wife.

I wanna feel the heartbeat of all your inner rhythms
As they lead me toward your warm, wet, waterfalls of feminine thoughts.
…And I’ll swin in them.
From backstroaks, to breaststrokes,
I’m penetrating every entrance… to your mind.
Taking my time to find out everything about you.

Did I ever tell you about how you
Fell asleep in my presence?
And your mere essance
Kept me awake for hours
As I cowered with this feeling
Of sexually unadulterated mental connection?

And as you lay by my side
I pushed the blinds aside
And took the time in the moonlight of that night
To count 72 eyelashes
On the upper eyelid of your right eye!
Because when you sleep
Your eyes remain open slightly.

And while we probably moves in too quickly into some sexual shit
I’ve always cared more about the expilicity illicitness
That came from between you lips.. meaning your voice.

So now I am standing here
Ready to trade in all the sexual acts that we’ve preformed
For the chance to reform the very foundation
And the basis of our relationship.

So I reiterate my opening statement
And I offer you another penny for your thoughts!

You can hear this poet speak this works here on youtube.

I hope you give this man a listen and comment about what he has said. What are your thoughts?
Mocha

I have been consumed

by the idea that I want to be in love. I once felt it so totally and fully and nothing is good enough. I want to be look into the pale eyes of my lover and smile and be smiled at him. And I once had it. I keep kicking myself that had it once before and now I feel so little at all. I HATE men now. I really HATE them and I am trying not to but I can’t keep my disgust and disappointment from my voice, from my body language. I think I expect too much or I know exactly what I want and nothing less will do. I am sure that is what it is and because I feel that way I am unable to see the ‘forest for the trees’. Men in general disgust me and I try to keep that feeling away from interactions with them. I want to feel the arms of a lover that really feel something for me.
Sigh.
M.

Jill Scott Speaks…

Listen to this.

This song reminds me how I feel about myself sometimes. So big that they can’t reach my mind.

Mocha

Now that I have stopped cheating

I have been able to lose 7lbs in about 2 or 3 weeks. No I can’t remember when I stopped cheating but I can remember when I stopped making it hard and devised a pretty good idea of my caloric intake without having to count it all the time.

I spent $95 bucks on food, mostly slimfast, frozen diet dinners and desserts, powered soup and broth, pickles, deli meat and cheese in snack sizes. So far it has worked for me. I know I will have to get on the exercise thing soon.. you know to tone up.

Other than that it is going all right. So I am going to talk about somehting I haven’t in a VERY long time. Mostly because I didn’t think that I would get to this point anytime soon and well I was right. I am getting the floor pans replaced in my car. So that will be a good thing if I can get the damn thing finished before next christmas, mechanicly anyway.  I still have to do the headliner and carpeting and do new seat covers for the thing. Sigh.

So between me and the car we should be all right pretty soon,

Mocha.

Since a friend of mine was interested…

Name:  M. Ellington

The whole name is a little long.. and I don’t use my middle name or my maiden name.
Birthday: 2-11-1978

Birthplace-: Atlanta, GA
Current Location: Kennesaw, GA
Eye Color: Chocolate Brown
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Height: 5ft4
Right Handed or Left Handed: Left
Your Heritage: African,Cherokee and a touch of Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today: Black Heeled Loafers
Your Weakness: my friends and a good book and a crying man.
Your Fears: being stupid, losing my independence and being like my sisters.
Your Perfect Pizza: thick pan crust, artichokes, bacon and cheese.

Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: go perm at the new job, to mend bridges with my dad and to start a web comic.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:   and  oh and
Thoughts First Waking Up: My back hurts and is it really 5:30 am, no it is 6:15 am, sigh I am running late. Again.

Your Best Physical Feature: My Eyes, to me… my boobs or ass if that is what you are into.
Your Bedtime: I am working on it being around 10pm but it seems to be between 10pm and 3am
Your Most Missed Memory: Being my mother’s taster and being the one she shared sweet potato pies with. My mother’s voice, a rich mezzo soprano, her smile and her sage wisdom, hell I miss arguments with her.
Pepsi or Coke: Dude I am from Atlanta, Coke
McDonalds or Burger King: Ewww! Neither, but if I HAD to choose.. burger king
Single or Group Dates: Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lemonade
Chocolate or Vanilla: Caramel
Cappiccino or Coffee:  Tea
Do you Smoke: No
Do you Swear: Often
Do you Sing: Yes
Do you Shower Daily: No, I take baths.
Have you Been in Love:  Yes, just 3 times though
Do you want to go to College: been there and going back.
Do you want to get Married: been there too, twice, and…hopefully never again
Do you believe in yourself: though riddled with self doubt and because of it I do things that I am afraid to do all the time. So yes I do believe in myself because I am willing to say fuck you to my fears and do what I need to do anyway.
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only when really drunk or sick.
Do you think you are Attractive: I am so cute, hey I would do me.
Are you a Health Freak: I am working on it. I worked out 4 out of 5 scheduled days this week, my muscles are screaming, less so after my bath.
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes and No. I get along with my step mother, but I am working on it with my Dad.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah, but my back doesn’t

Do you play an Instrument: Clarinet
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Probably
In the past month have you Smoked: No, I think it is a disgusting, selfish, slowly suicidal habit
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Just Ibuprophen
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: I don’t like chocolate
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No but I plan on correcting that
In the past month have you been on Stage: Hell no
In the past month have you been Dumped: No
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: No
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:  No
Ever been Drunk: Yes, but I didn’t get a hang over till I was 25
Ever been called a Tease: Yes
Ever been Beaten up: Yeah.. but he had to limp away
Ever Shoplifted: Yea, but I was 5yrs old, my mama beat the hell out of me for it too.
How do you want to Die:  I don’t. And since I don’t get to choose, I don’t think about it.

What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a fully realized ME and so I am growing up everyday
What country would you most like to Visit: The UK
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Boy, Blue or Green, In a girl, mmm I am not looking at her eyes

Favourite Hair Color: Strawberry blonde, Black and Salt and Pepper
Short or Long Hair: Never had a long haired boyfriend, that would be cool. But I don’t really care that much, he could be balding.
Height: Him, 5ft9 and taller (and yes it is very important to me), Her, 5ft7 and shorter
Weight: Well in dealing with men. I don’t like a hungry man, though I have made exceptions … I like a medium sized, to Thick to very muscular man. Women, I tend to attract 120lbs waifs.. but I am more interested in a girl who is Thick, size 12-20 depending on height. She just can’t be hungry.

Best Clothing Style: Mmm I don’t think about it.
Number of Drugs I have taken: illiegal drugs are too expensive and stupid for me.
Number of CDs I own: mmm who buys cds?
Number of Piercings: just my ears
Number of Tattoos:  None
Number of things in my Past I Regret: No many, just losing the man that I thought I would be with forever, fucking up my credit ( but that can be fixed) and being very stubborn but I am kinda stubborn about admitting it.

Hey, let me know what you think.

Mocha

Missing My Mother and My Baby

Oh it has been like over 10years now since she has died and with that being said. I have to admit that I didn’t miss her as much yesterday as I did today. I miss you Mama. I wish you were here. I wish you could see your grand child, see that I am doing all right and know that I love you still and that I haven’t forgotten you.

Hell, maybe you do know. So for all y’all that still have your mother, you are very lucky. And for those that lost ours and are feeling like orphans in a dark and dirty world. We can huddle together, keep warm and keep a candle burning in our hearts for Mama. I speak for at least four people when I say I miss you everyday. The hurt doesn’t get less, I just learn to live with it.  How is forever mama? Your eldest missing you.

Now for my baby, who is living in Texas with her daddy. My fuzzy, little, mischevious baby. I love you and I will never be more sorry that I wasn’t able to take care of you like I wanted. If I had gotten this job say a year ago I could have kept her. But really she is a daddy’s girl and I think they are the cutest together.  So I posted a picture of her on the blog so you can see my baby. Sigh… I really do miss her.

To her daddy I say. Keep up the good work. She is happy and healthy. Thanks for being such a great daddy.

Mocha.

Nothing like a movie…

Nothing like a movie to restore my faith in love and people and hehe well maybe not my complete faith.. I haven’t had that in years. But it gives me hope about the love I am in.

Bridget Jones is totally the best thing for a girl feeling fat, unloved, useless.

Mocha

7:01am sigh

So my artful boobie pic was taken down by the yahoo people. I won’t call them Nazi’s but I did think it. Oh well.  I am not paying for it and god knows who’s children could see something that were fed with as babies. Anyway. I am two ways about it. They really are just boobs. I mean it isn’t like people put some faux value on them, even fill them with saline to make them look bigger. There aren’t many men out there who lose iq points because…oh they do… oh well. *shrug* At least they didn’t take down the barely covered soft pic I put up as well. Problay a lesser of two evils .

Oh damn that’s right.. damn daylight savings. I missed an hour of sleep. So it feels like 6:02am. Fuck. And I have to go to work (ick) and I have to be perky…well maybe one out of two isn’t bad.

So right.. today is day one of atkins. I will be keeping my carb count here. Talking about my sugar cravings, talking about my readings and keeping you posted on progress. Sigh. Oh and my workout thang. Got to work on that too. Shit that means I have to get up now to get ready… fuck it I am going back to bed for a bit. I better wake the man up though, so that he can check the alarm.

I will be writing a little later. Let me know if you want a copy of the boobie pic. I was pretty proud of it. All colorized and filtered by Photoshop.

Anyway, Later,

Mocha