Entry for April 24, 2006

So I am having a few conversations at once, all while I worry about this job. Wheither or not I will get it, will it pay enough, will I be able to be a viable and meaningful part of this household.  The conversations are with people I haven’t talked to since I was happily married over 2 years ago. People who I had all but forgotten. People I wished forgotten me.

I don’t know how I feel about trying to get to know someone who I thought I knew a few years ago. Mostly I get questions and demands from strangers, plz can I view your cam, damn it I want to view your cam, take off your shirt, your panties, blah. Makes me wonder why I bother. Makes me wonder if there really are people out there worth knowing or caring about. Conversations like:

libos_clark: hi
Mocha: ?
Mocha: what the fuck do you want?
libos_clark: u
libos_clark: i wana see u
Mocha: fuck you
libos_clark: i wana see the sexist blk girl
Mocha: fuck you.

are the ones that I am tired of. I don’t want to be bothered with bullshit. I am not here to get your dick wet, I am not here to be bothered with your needs.

Needs, speaking of such. I am still looking for a decent job. Why is it so hard to find something that is close and pays the bills? Why is it so difficult to find a job that can not grate on your nerves and keep the lights on? You have to damn near sell your ass just to get the cable bill paid nowadays. What is really happening?

Tired of talking on the phone to users, tired of being beaten for a pay check by those who are getting paid more who are just there to abuse me, tired of being bent over and fucked in the ass by Corp America, tired of people taking advantage of me and expecting me to thank them for it.



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