Fallen

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I’ve tried I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back, the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
that I’ve held so dear…

I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
I’ve nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step you’ll slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed

Though I’ve tried I’ve fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here and
Tell me I told you so

One of my favorite sad songs. God I love it. Makes me think of mistakes I have made in love. Speaking of love… I miss my ex, though I think I am moving toward more missing him and not so much our relationship. Sigh..but it is a good thing. My current, I wish I were better able to be a good girlfriend. He says I am excellent, and I am like ok. But I spent a year being pissed off about where I live when I should have been grateful to have someone who supported me… even when I was being a bitch and a pain and a brat and god soooo homesick.

Actually I am still terribly home sick and lonely for my friends and those I know. But I am trying.. I really am. Damn this song is sad.

I remember when I moved out from the house, because I couldn’t figure out a way to get him to keep me. sigh. I moved into a little rat hole, don’t get me wrong, I loved it. But I was so poor, couldn’t hold down a decent job. Desperate for cash, no internet and no friendly people any where in my life. My love was gone and didn’t want me, I couldn’t really get to my friends and really didn’t know what to say to them when I could. My family mostly deserted me years ago. I was more alone than I ever had been in this life.

You know the chorus where she is singing,

Though I have tried, I fallen

I’ve sunk so low.

I would look up into that ten foot ceiling and curl around my phone talking to anyone who would talk to me and cry my heart out. I cried till I hiccuped to sleep. I thought about killing myself, I thought about how I was going to keep going. I thought about what I could do to try to make it. Then my current told me he would be there.. and he was. He basicly scooped me up out of that hole, gave me somewhere to lick my wounds and though it has taken this long I feel like I have a means to take care of myself.

Even in that hell I missed my ex, I miss him now but I would rather be friends with him than anything. Real friends, I want him to know that though I wasn’t the woman for him… that I was for a while and I would like to be a friend to him now.

To my current I want him to also know that I want to stay friends, and be loves for as long as he would have me. That life with him has been good, though hard and that giving me time to dig myself out of my deepest depression and despair was more than I could have asked for and the thing I needed. d

To everyone who was there or I have met or to those who cared for me at a distance… thanks. I may not say it often enough but real love and real friendship is something so very precious…

If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life, close or far away that can honestly say that they are there for you, thick and thin, better or worse and now till we can’t remember our own names.. well hell you are one lucky fucker.

One lucky fucker,

Mocha.

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