Mmm I met someone who made me think, but he also made me angry, and uncomfortable.

Last night I met someone, he was interesting.

Well as most of you know I am in what is called an open relationship, makes these little outings possible. Now I wasn’t physically attracted to the man I went out with last night, but he wanted to take me to dinner and who am I to turn down decent conversation and a decent meal.

When I met him I was not as appalled by his appearance as I was by his photo. I guess some people don’t photo well. But I still thought him kinda small and plain. I would have never guessed that a self professed Dominant was lurking there. Anyway…

I made the mistake of telling him that I had a profile on ALT…blah blah. And his whole demeanor changed. Suddenly I was fair game. There are a lot of things about men that really piss me off, taking my reactions for granted, telling me what to do and how to do it. Deciding for me how things would go. Taking for granted that I will not do something and arrogance. Those are the reasons I make a singularly bad submissive. I don’t want to be told I am going to do something. I am not going to be the plaything of anyone. I like to play at things but I am not that thing.. you know what I mean? I have the tendencies, I like a decent spanking, I like to be pressed into the wall, my hair pulled, but as anyone who knows me knows that it is harder to get in my head than it is to get inside my body. And I DON”T like it when people seek to play with my mind. My mother did it, I guess as training so that I would know when someone was trying to do it to me. Thanks mama. If I were weaker I might have been in a little bit more trouble.

Moving on in the story. It is hard to have a conversation with me. Why did I meet him? I thought, silly me, that it would be a fairly pleasant experience.  This guy managed to invade my personal space, which I find rude, he tried in a classicly clumsily fashion to dominate me at dinner. I don’t like being pushed. I don’t like my limits tested. And he did all of those things. And it made me angry. So being that anger is something that I am weary of and well aquainted with, I am severing all ties to this person.

Ok on to another topic that was brought up last night. I am not interested in having children. I was when I was younger and married. But since I don’t see myself being married and because I never want to be tied down by either an absent or present father, be responsible for anyone other than myself or have to do to my body what it would take to carry a child. You know the bone density loss, the increased stressed on all my systems, the shuffling of major organs, the hormonal ups and down and the always every present possiblity of death of either me or the child or both. There was really only one man worth that for me and since he doesn’t want me anymore, not that I really blame him most days. Children just aren’t an answer to any question that I have. The idea makes me uncomfortable, sets me on edge because there are so many people ask me well why don’t you want to. Because I have a choice and I choose not. The saying that it will change your life is kinda redundant and frightening at the same time. I was never afraid of marriage other than the death do us part section. Other than that I was ok with growing old with the one I loved. But kids? No, there are too many of them that need a home, there are too many that don’t get what they need and there are too many with enough my genetic code out there for me to worry about us dying out. For these and many others that I don’t owe anyone I don’t want kids.

no little mocha lattes running around and no Damn Doms,

Mocha

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