Sigh…becareful what you ask for…

When you call on anyone, God or otherwise for help, be prepared to get it. I believe my mother is somewhere she can affect people well I know she is somewhere she can affect me. I never could just believe that all a person does when they die is just go to dust. The law of conservation of energy and matter says that can’t be totally true. For those who need a refresher: The Law of Conservation of Energy and Matter states that energy and matter cannot be created or destroyed, but can change its form. I think she can hear me, I think she watches and I think if I need her enough I can actually hear what it is she is trying to tell me. Oh and she had this thing for object lessons…

I posted something about dreams, what… yesterday? A well meaning friend said that dreams don’t mean anything. Well they do actually a lot of times we don’t like what they mean. Dreams are ways that your mind entertains itself when the rest of you isn’t doing anything. They are the place where you work shit out, try shit out and see the best and worst case situations.

I had a dream that I killed my middle sister, by accident. Now up until this dream I was sure I hated her and would kill her by accident if I had to spend too much time with her. Because she is that kind of person to instill that amount of rage in a person pretty instantly.

I felt so lost when I woke up. I realized that I dislike her quite intensely, but hate… for anything or anybody isn’t something that lives in my heart. The strength I asked for to see things clearly, to be strong enough to change what I can and be  smart enough to know let go of what I can’t change and be wise enough to know the difference yeah I am was given it. I almost want to give it back. I know I am going to go and do my damndest to help my family. I won’t kill myself to do it… but I will help as best I can. I am typing with a clarity of mind that makes the idea of a drink to fuzz it out seem rather reasonable.

No I know better than to drink now, I will probably just cuddle closer to the people that love me.

Clear and clearly exhausted,

Mocha

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