Love? Riiight…

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about men. I guess I am getting more and more jaded as time goes on. Feeling mostly like it isn’t really going to ever work for me because I feel so badly about men in general. Anyway it sort of went like this.

Good Friend: ah well … I sort of take it all in my stride mocha … don’t let it get to you dear … not worth the grief

Mocha: No, I guess you are right

Mocha: but it isn’t even entertaining anymore.

Good Friend: well it seems different people get different things out of chat … for me … it’s relief and escape … so that’s probably why I don’t take things too seriously while I’m in there

Mocha: I guess.

Mocha: I kinda of use it as a way to observe people as they would be if given the chance.

Mocha: I find it interesting when I am not annoyed.

Good Friend: well … there you go … any observations that I make are more generalized and not so in depth I suppose … but I do agree with the fact that some in there can be annoying … not that I’ve noticed so much with females

Good Friend: but some of the males definitely …, yes

Mocha: I find that chatting does at time erode my idea of men. Makes me more realistic but also disappoints me greatly.

Mocha: ok can you tell me why this even happened?

Mocha: john_harley3: got dc

Mocha: ah

john_harley3: i saw ur profile that u don’t like welcoming

Mocha: ok

john_harley3: cant we just view each other?

Mocha: good night

john_harley3: gn

john_harley3: may i add u?

Mocha: no.

Good Friend: male hormones … at their very basic level

Good Friend: little head thinking for the big one

Good Friend: as is more often the case

Mocha: But maybe I am not being fair. Do women do this as well?

Good Friend: well … not that much that I’ve noticed

Good Friend: although I quite often get invited to view cams of females

Good Friend: I suppose males are just more basic and forthright with there wants/desires … that and the fact that most of them can’t type for shit

Good Friend: lol

Mocha: I think I am very forth right about my desires, but I am not interested in fucking a penis life support system either. I think women are more interested in the kind of person she lets into her body.

Mocha: Not just the quality of sex, the personality or even the things that man has. But that he is a decent man to begin with. And so many men seem to not even have decency going for them.

Mocha: But I think basically we want the same thing. But it is important to women who they get it from as opposed to getting it at all.

Good Friend: yes … but I’ve noticed that some females can be very basic in their desires too … but I suppose each to their own

Mocha: I agree with that as well.

Good Friend: like I think I’ve said before … you would no doubt suffer from the same general problem … some guy thinks … BBW … probably has big tits … I’m gunna ask her to show … if she says f* off … well nothing lost

Good Friend: some of them have hides like a rhino … almost bulletproof


Mocha: But it makes it hard to get to know any man. Because even decent men can act like that. Often do.

Good Friend: oh yes … they can do

Mocha: I don’t want to share my body, my anything with any of the.

Mocha: them

Mocha: How can I get close when I know that he is that disgusting and is willing to use someone like that?

Mocha: that he isn’t as basically decent as he says he is.

Good Friend: I don’t know dear … that is not an easy question to answer

Good Friend: and maybe the answer doesn’t lie within yahoo

Mocha: I don’t think the answer lies anywhere

I am not sure what I am saying. I think I have been divorced so long and so heart broken, battered and used that I am not willing to deal with it anymore. That I am finding that men aren’t worth knowing in a romantic sense or even sexual context. Not that women are the answer, they have their own set of issues and complications. I think I have just gotten to a point in my life where as much as I would love to be loved and to love, who I love and what they are as a person isn’t something that I am willing to compromise on. But isn’t that the point of the new marriage numbers. Even in the shallowest of marriages or the deepest of relationships it is getting to where people aren’t willing to figure out how to deal and cope with the humaness of another human being because they don’t have to any more. A woman doesn’t have to settle for a man so that the bills will be paid. A man doesn’t have to settle for a woman that can’t please him sexually or that he can’t stand to be in a room with. People aren’t expect to suffer silently anymore. Sure you might attempt to make a commitment to someone but if it doesn’t work out then you can start over.

I just think I am not willing to really play the game anymore. I feel too old or mature or whatever to even pretend that I want to learn the rules. Men just seem so self serving and self centered. Catering to only their own whims and fleeting desires. What is a woman supposed to do? Or more importantly what am I going to do? Do I roll over and give up or do I keep plugging away, ever searching, hoping… who knows.



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