I have been consumed

by the idea that I want to be in love. I once felt it so totally and fully and nothing is good enough. I want to be look into the pale eyes of my lover and smile and be smiled at him. And I once had it. I keep kicking myself that had it once before and now I feel so little at all. I HATE men now. I really HATE them and I am trying not to but I can’t keep my disgust and disappointment from my voice, from my body language. I think I expect too much or I know exactly what I want and nothing less will do. I am sure that is what it is and because I feel that way I am unable to see the ‘forest for the trees’. Men in general disgust me and I try to keep that feeling away from interactions with them. I want to feel the arms of a lover that really feel something for me.
Sigh.
M.

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