Dammit…

Sigh.. I was answering a question about songs when I was listening to Iris… it used to be ‘our’ song. The one that … sigh. Anyway I was listening to the song… feeling those old feelings. When I wondered if he greives for that thing we lost like I still greive over it. If any stray tears ever seep out.

Someone asked me about him today. I laughed when they said I would drop everything to have him back. I thought about it too. No… he would never have me again. Sigh… and that has to be ok. But …

I just can’t get over this feeling that I fucked up with MY soulmate. The real one for me. That I might never feel as complete as that again. Maybe I am tripping at 5:21am in the morning. Sigh.. I hope he doesn’t use this as a reason to never talk to me again. I have to admit it is nice to get a stray email from time to time. Nice to know that he is doing well… even without me.

Mocha.

P.S. It is true, you really never miss the water till the well is dry.

P.S.S And you know right now, R, I would give up forever to touch you, And you are the closest to Heaven I will ever be. And I don’t want to miss you tonight. But I do. Please don’t punish me for it. M.